Oh, But Are You Experienced

Both McCain and Hilldawg are accusing Obama of not being experienced enough. McCain is clearly experienced. Other than Cindy, there’s Vicki Iseman. I’m not sure if I want his kind of experience. As for Hilldawg, well, she’s got her experience in Whitewater, Norm Hsu, and playing dumb while her husband got some experience in the Oval Office, since, you know, she wanted to be a senator so badly.

You know who has experience? Alan Quasha and Hassan Nemazee. These guys are currently financing Hilldawg, and doing a knock out job of it. But who else did they finance? Bush in ‘00 and ‘04; Gore in ‘00; Kerry in ‘04. You have to wonder what the intentions are here. Both guys are intelligent, and I have nothing against them. But when they fund candidates, it’s fuckin’ weird that the Democrat they fund will lose out to the Republican that they fund.

And back in ‘04, Kerry was the best opponent that the republicans could ask for. I had no clue why I should vote for him. Comparatively, on the merits, I found Bush more appealing. In retrospect, I’m still floored at how that turned out. I loved Dean for his cajones, and hated Kerry for stimulating my deepest apathy. Same feeling back in ‘00. I thought Bradley was awesome, and had no interest in Gore. The only thing that made sense about Gore was what his name rhymed with. Hilldawg would be my new Kerry – my new Gore. A candidate about as fun as getting my nuts caught in my zipper.

Here’s to Obama, that my luck changes on him, and I’m not left with another democratic candidate I could care less for.

The Potomac Primaries – Serious Buisness

At the Obama rally, at University of Maryland, on Monday, over 18,000 people packed the Comcast Center. It was freezing cold. The line, when I got there, was a mile off the entrance. When I neared the entrance, the line spanned back even further than where I started. One might get the idea that people really wanted to see Obama.

Elsewhere on the University of Maryland campus, Huckabee spoke to a crowd of 900. Hilldawg sent out Chelsea to campaign for her in the area, but she didn’t get a crowd of 18,000. The saying goes, pimpin’ ain’t easy.  I almost feel bad for Bill and Chelsea.  But then I remember that Bill was always a douche.  I guess I feel for Chelsea.  Only in a platonic way of course.  I remember when she was starting high school I was ending it.  She had the braces.  I dunno.  I feel scarred for life.  But back to the future – in perspective, yesterday was cold. Fucking cold. Cold like Rumsfeld’s No Child Left Behind plan for Iraq. Jaykay. That was fucking cold, and potentially false. Potentially.

With the Potomac primaries coming to an end, Barry finally took the lead over Hilldawg. Now it’s up to Hillary to convince her contributors in a new plan for Hope & Change, that she can pull off a comeback in Texas and Ohio.

In closing, I’d like to thank the State of VA for having my voting location within walking distance from me. It was too cold to walk, so I drove, but it’s the thought that counts.

The Michigan Moot Primary?

I heard a good question this morning about the Michigan Primary: if Michigan has no delegates to send to the convention, doesn’t that make the whole point of the primary moot? Seems like it. But this primary offers a lot for the rest of the elections.

I would say that people are going to use this against Hilldawg later on. She failed in a situation where any other major candidate has succeeded. Her husband was the only democrat on the ballot in most primary elections during 1996, and GWB was the only one for the republicans in 2004. Both of them pulled in around 90% in each state. What did Hillary get? 55%.

What this means is that when placed on a ballot with Obama, a good number of those Hillary voters will switch. They may have only voted for her because she was on the ballot. This was, for her, a Pyrrhic victory. To be fair, those voters may also want to vote for Edwards. He has nice hair.

The main point is that Hillary doesn’t have the firepower to be in this. Frankly, I don’t want her running. I see her merely as the same corrupt politician that Bush is, but without the Dick. You read that right. She’s Bush without Dick.

$2.6 Billion Dollar Fantasy

What is more important for a judge – to promote the laws towards justice, or to bend them towards political agendas? There’s nothing more hollow than a $2.6 billion ruling against Iran. The families of the victims are brought back 25 years to a memory that they probably wished they could forget, that they wished never happened, and led back into fantasy land. And I say fantasy land as a loaded metaphor. Clearly they won’t get a penny from Iran. However, the other problem is really saying that Iran did it in the first place.

What was the situation for Iran back in 1983? They were neck deep in a war against a very well supplied and well financed Iraq. They were trying to figure out how to defend against mustard gas. Attacking some target in a country all the way over in the Mediterranean was probably about as far back from their minds as catching the next episode of Diff’rent Strokes.

The idea here is not to give anyone justice at all, but to make an excuse to freeze Iranian assets. See Harris Corp. v. National Iranian Radio and Television, 691 F.2d 1344, 35U.C.C. Rep. Serv. 222 (11th Cir.1982).

Rather than being a bunch of dicks to each other, the U.S. should just negotiate to do business in Iran and make friendly. With every brutish thrust, the U.S. pushes Iran closer and closer into the ambitious embrace of China. Not like China really cares. The more fighting the US does, the faster China can take over … everything. At least that’s how the world of Islam defeated the Persian Empire back in the 700s. But there’s no need to learn from history when you’re not trying to do the right thing.

Another hypocritical arch-conservative FAGGOT

I get a real kick of out stories like today’s piece on Idaho Sen. Larry Craig . When it comes to the question of civil rights for homosexuals, I believe they deserve the rights of normal human beings –because they are.

With that said, I get a real kick out of guys who make their careers out of railing against the “homosexual agenda” and end up being queerer than steers themselves. In fact, they’re often the epitome of the very negative stereotypes they rail against: they’re into kids (er… pages), anonymous sex in my local international airport (see above), having drug fueled parties with gay prostitutes, or soliciting kids off the internet.

That’s not to say being gay and Republican are automatically incompatible in the same way it isn’t incompatible to be black and Republican –it just involves strong criticism on certain portions of your party (like a lot of normal people in any political party –at least, if you have a conscience). One of my best professors in law school was a prominent “homocon” as they are sometimes called, and that basically made him a Libertarian Republican –he was a major supporter of Lawrence v. Texas, writing an amicus brief– but that didn’t prevent him from remaining a conservative on other issues.

So as for this Senator? Just another conflicted, closeted fag. Feel free to point and laugh, I am.

Reflections on Karl Rove’s Resignation

It’s true, the wunderkind of the neoconservative right wing is leaving the administration.

According to anonymous White House sources, Rove simply ran out of evil things to do. One high ranking official told the Outer-Loop, “When Karl resorted to kicking over lemonade stands in Mclean, we pretty much knew he was out of evil things to think up.”

Rove’s propensity for evil first came to light during George W. Bush’s 2000 Presidential campaign when Rove orchestrated an elaborate bait and switch operation whereby Bush campaign operatives replaced John McCain’s adorable white child with an illegitimate black one, Rove’s position within the new Administration was sealed.

Relations with the Vice President were rocky after Rove disagreed with Vice President Cheney’s insistent calls to drop a tactical warhead on Paris, followed by Cologne in an effort to cover up the musky smell of nuclear fallout. Despite this initial rift with a fellow administration official, Rove’s advice was used to cull support around the actual President’s policies well into 2006.

In all seriousness, Rove, who has by now outlived his usefulness and can no longer win elections, even amongst the stupidest Americans, was little more than a lightning rod for criticism within the administration…so this isn’t really a surprise. The White House simply waited for a slow news day so as not to satiate the snarling media.

The President is a lame duck, his administration has no positive domestic policy legacy to speak of, and Karl always left his lunch in the fridge, which really pissed everyone off.

Karl Rove, unemployed, whooptie-doo.

Mitt Romney loves to make us all feel like dicks

Riding the wave of popularity he’s receiving in Iowa, Mitt Romney sat down for an interview with WHO’s Jan Mickelson, whose parents obviously did not love him or his younger sister, Tyrone.

Anyway, Mickelson’s show is apparently quite influential in Iowa’s conservative circles and his show has been frequented by many of the other candidates running for the nomination, except for Giuliani who’s running for President of 9/11.

The interview, which you can see below in all of it’s youtube-ified glory, starts warmly. Romney catches a few softballs, drops the names of a couple of local restaurants that his personal assistants may or may not have briefed him on before hand, and basically pretends he isn’t a multi-millionaire liberal elitist Latter Day Douchebag. However, as the questions get dicier, Romney does something I never thought he was capable of…he counters with reasonable and well thought out positions on his faith and his personal social policy.

Check out the action below, it’s well worth a look.

The host, Elaine Mickelson, apparently felt slighted by Romney’s previously concealed testicles and leaked the video to the media insinuating that he had just orchestrated the downfall of Mitt Romney.

Instead, Mitt comes off as opinionated but reasonable, and he alludes to the inclusion of Democratic and left-leaning personal friends of his who are not only in the upper echelons of his typically conservative church, but who actively espouse domestic policy positions that differ from his own. In other words, as Dolores Mickelson continues to accuse Romney of forsaking his faith because of his previous (bullshit) positions on abortion rights, Romney says, almost verbatim, that pro-choice does not equal pro-abortion and that the Democrats in his church are no less moral and sincere than he is.

I know what you’re thinking, “But Romney isn’t sincere. He flip flops like a pair of Reefs, but without the beer bottle opener in the sole.”

Well you’re right, but this glimpse of a more reasonable human being is exactly what is missing from the rest of the GOP field. If I had to pick any Republican to run this country, and I say this with as much hesitant bile and tar as American grammar allows, I would feel better having Romney in the White House than any other GOP candidate in the field.

Well, only if Tyrone Mickelson didn’t want the job.

Thanks to The Politico for the tip.

Why Apple is stupid, by Neil Cavuto

zahremar sent me this link to a short essay by Neil Cavuto regarding Apple’s iPhone launch. After reading the swill, one thing is certain, he clearly doesn’t write a single thing, and whichever one of his interns actually wrote this piece has obviously never taken a business class.

Cavuto’s intern’s overarching argument is that while a very respectable number of $500-600 iPhones were activated during the opening weekend, well over 140,000, Apple goofed by not lowering expectations.

Cavuto doesn’t dispute how impressive the number is, indeed:

“Selling 146,000 items at a minimum of 500 bucks a pop ain’t shabby. In fact, it’s stunning. Never in corporate history, have so many electronic devices sold so quickly.”

But he goes on to say:

“But then it didn’t meet that damn expectation, did it?”

The “expectation” he’s referring to was Apple’s officially-unofficial goal of selling 10 million iPhones in the first year and half a million in the first few days. As reported by Dow Jones’ MarketWatch…which is now presumably a subsidiary of News Corp., the stated goal was 10 million iPhones within the first full year of sales. That means 10 million iPhones by the end of June 2008, NOT December 31st, 2007.

It’s called Google, Intern.

Getting to the meat of the argument, Cavuto’s intern’s statement regarding the 146,000 “activated” iPhones is misleading as that number does not necessarily equal the total number of iPhones sold. There are plenty of people, myself included, who want an iPhone but are tied to a contract they can’t afford to break. So why not buy the phone and wait out your contract? I’ve purchased many a product on opening day only to have it sit on my desk at home until I had the time to play with it.

Secondly, Cavuto’s intern doesn’t mention the fact that Apple’s third quarter ended on June 30th…

The day after the iPhone first went on sale.

Thus, not only do we not have a clue as to how many iPhones were actually sold in the first two days, we won’t even have an idea of the overall profit from Apple’s new iPhone division until the end of Q4.

Cavuto’s intern seems miffed that Apple…which, again, is not exactly the humblest of tech companies…didn’t pull the old “under sell, over report” trick that so many other companies do. Apple’s perceived cockiness doesn’t seem to be hurting financially as their reported quarterly profits of over $800 million dollar easily outlines.

This post wasn’t designed as a fanboy manifesto about Apple’s financial status or market strategy, indeed, I’d be in trouble if it were.

This post is about challenging the notion that business pundits should have any credence as far as influencing the markets go.

Fox News is on the cusp of introducing it’s Business Channel and – as of this writing – Rupert Murdoch has officially gained control of what will surely become his legacy, the Wall Street Journal.

As one of the few liberals who both likes and respects what Murdoch has accomplished in his media empire, and one of the only people who thinks News Corp’s acquisition would BENEFIT the Journal, I would like to see people like Cavuto gone from the new business network and kept far, far away from WSJ.

Cavuto has his place, he is a political pundit with business branding, and that’s fine for Fox News Channel. But if Fox Business Channel is going to be any different, if you can approach reporting on the market with a clear lense, then you can compete with the likes of Bloomberg and CNBC on merit and quality…not on spectacle and audacity.

Also, please hire more talented interns.

Photo from FoxNews.com.

Disclosure: The author is employed by Apple, Inc. All of the financial information cited in this post is publicly available via Apple.com. The views of the author do not necessarily reflect or represent the views of Apple, Inc., its shareholders, employees, contractors, or Board of Directors, and the author is not representing Apple in any official or unofficial capacity. Please don’t fire/sue me.

Prius Politics and Gray Journalism

People can get very sentimental about their cars. Our vehicles are political statements, indicators of wealth, and status symbols all rolled up into one expensive ball of metal, plastic, and the severed appendages of auto workers.

In recent weeks, various media outlets have reported on the Prius as a symbol of an impending generation of smug liberal yuppies hoping to rub their insincere eco-friendliness in the faces of the general populace. People like Slate’s Emily Bazelon, whom I love, and the Washington Post’s Robert Samuelson, who has an awesome mustache, have each recently waxed poetic on what owning a Prius actually means.

While these are just two examples, I think they are finely written and make interesting points…but I disagree with a key point both of them are inferring in their pieces.

Louisiana Senator Vitter: Romance via American Express

Louisiana is famous for its corrupt politics. Since judges are elected there, a defendant could conceivably donate money to the campaign of his own judge, something that could make justice a little tougher to find in the upper echelons of the state’s aristocracy.

It’s elected officials, however, are an entirely different breed of corrupt…a more entertaining breed. First William Jefferson’s freezer full o’ money and now David Vitter’s hooker-tastic evenings…what will come up next? Will Mary Landreau start exposing herself to children at the Smithsonian? Maybe Bobby Jindal will start selling crack hidden in his Bible out of the LoC? Who knows?

Vitter was elected in 2004, so there’s really nothing politically interesting here. This story will have dissipated by 2010 for sure. Mary Landreau will still lose her reelection campaign next year, Jindal will still win the Governor’s seat, and Jefferson will still be a douchebag.

One thing that might be considered redeeming about this entire situation is the ridiculous mentality voters have that American politicians have to be perfect, likable, gee whiz idiots to get elected. A lot of this is media driven, for sure, only in America do politicians get elected based on whether or not you’d like to have a beer with them.

Instead what happens is shrewd, brilliant, competent candidates like Bill Bradley, or even Hillary Clinton, get castigated by people saying “Well I just don’t like him/her”.

That’s ridiculous, you don’t have to like someone to know that they’ll do a great job, Democrats are lucky they have a slew of competent, capable, fantastic candidates in every tier who would make great Presidents. The Republicans? Well, Romney and McCain are the only two I see as being even remotely competent enough to handle running a country.

So, getting back to my original point, who cares that Vitter screwed a hooker? We should instead be caring that he’s a terrible Senator that has accomplished nothing significant while in office. There are some very smart Republicans in the Senate that seem to be doing all the legworkwhile Vitter manages to find the time to cheat on his wife with an overpaid college student.

Fantastic, next.