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Zeh Donkey

A few quick notes and about the debate and my scores for the candidates before I head off to the beds.

  • Mike Gravel has Grape Nuts for brains, I am absolutely sure of it. No serious policy points, just the usual crazy outbursts of random insults lobbed at the other candidates. C-
  • Hillary Clinton could kick my ass, she was easily the most concise person on the stage. My God, what have we created… A
  • Dennis Kucinich loves Michael Moore, hates capitalism, and is totally into black chicks, the crowd ate him up. B
  • Barack Obama wanted to Have A Dream (TM) sooo bad on stage, but the evil Tavis Smiley wouldn’t let him have more than a few seconds. Obama can survive these events with stage presence alone, but he needs a pulpit to really take on Hillary (who’s the master of the heavy sound bite). B+
  • Bill Richardson is trying really, really hard to be Bill Clinton. Good policy points, nowhere near the flair of the other candidates…he can’t get away with being the boring wonk like Hillary can. B
  • John Edwards, soft spoken, a bit solemn. Making your audience cry won’t get you elected, but I was impressed with his willingness to engage the other candidates’ policy positions and offer some mature rebuttals. He did well this time. A
  • Chris Dodd had a good Clintonesque (as in Hillary) presence on-stage that was quite Presidential looking. Too bad he was trying to juggle the policies of Kucinich and Richardson…he was like a very deceptive tofu filet minon. B –
  • Joe Biden, as much as people make fun of him, he does so well in these debates I can’t fathom why he isn’t higher up in the polls. Wait, he’s Joe Biden, that’s why. Regardless, a lot of well articulated ideas. A

The candidates are getting better, and with the slow summer months ahead, we should begin to see the definitive front runners come late August.

Also, Cornel West looks really funny.

Usually, the rigors of my day job prevent me from contributing to the Loop, but today was a special day.

I just got back from the National Press Club where former HUD Secretary’s Jack Kemp and Henry Cisneros plugged their new book about the importance of developing new housing in urban and rural areas along with Habitat for Humanity Chairman John Retsinas and former NAHB head Kent Colton.

The conference was interesting.  First, there was air conditioning in the room and the Press Club graciously offered up free delicious, precious, glorious cold water. It’s moments like these that I want a time machine to punch the Congress in the face for putting DC on the damned Potomac and not, say, in Tampa.  At least then I could wear shorts.

Anyways, the substance of the conference was pretty bland, your typical book plugging and back slapping amongst friends, but what was so interesting about the meeting was the overall sense of community and respect the men had for each other.  Two Republicans (Kemp, who was Dole’s Veep nominee in ’96) and Colton (A heavy hitting Romney supporter) and two Democrats (both Retsinas and Cisneros worked in the Clinton administration) obviously thought very highly of each other…and there was a nice sobering hue of gooey buddy-ness they left behind.

Are we really that different, the left and the right?  Is there room for exploration and moderation, for cooperation and action?

Kemp has been one of the staunchest supporters of DC voting rights, not something the GOP particularly wants to see happen, and Cisneros is one of the most successful entrepreneurs in the country leaving the public sector to lead Univision to it’s staggering number 5 slot in network ratings.

As a young Latino just getting started in this wide and wacky town, Cisneros has particularly been an inspiration to me…both for his professional success  and his success with the laydeez.

In any case, it was a fun day and getting to meet with some ambitious and influential people always helps remind me of why I love this town so much.

Okay Mr. Gravel, like the vast majority of Americans, I have not watched any of the super-early Presidential debates, and I probably won’t for some time. Thanks to your commercials, I have decided to give you a bit of my attention. So why, oh why, did you choose these now infamous bits?

I’m still trying to wrap my head around them –and I don’t mean any supposedly deep meaning to them. I’m trying to figure out why they thought these almost caveman-themed ads were a good idea. Yes, they’re different from other political commercials –but so’s superimposing your campaign URL over footage of nitro-burning funny cars.

No, whoever came up with these sort of freaky gems decided that they wanted to send some kind of message. Okay then… here are a few of the readings I made from these commercials:

  • Mike Gravel is an angry mute
  • If you’re stuck in the wilderness, you better hope Gravel isn’t out to get you
  • Mike Gravel might just kill us all
  • Mike Gravel will help us, for a price
  • Mike Gravel: The world turns to ashes campaign
  • Mike Gravel pick up rock, Mike Gravel throw rock, rock go splash!

If there were deep meaning to these ads, they’re so deep down and lost in the bizarro-world mindset that dreamed them up that I don’t dare go after them, lest I get pulled in. But what sort of person has a mind this dark and twisted? I was curious to see what this Gravel was all about so Googled and found out the man was a goddam US Senator …from Alaska. Holy shit, and here I thought Ted “Series of Tubes” Stevens (R-Alaska) was an outstanding case of Land of the Midnight Sun crazy. What the fuck are they feeding these people up there? Bears? These godless killing machines must have have poisoned the state. Yes, Mr. President, I know we get a lot of oil from this area, but –damn it, sir– it’s time to accept the state as a basket case and cut our losses before it spreads to our borders through Canada. Fire, Mr. President. It’s time to take some of those extra nukes and show the Eskimo (pardon, Inuit) what Northern Lights really look like.

Well don't I look like a dick?According to the Politico, “potential” GOP Presidential candidate Fred Thompson flew to London today for the blessing of former Conservative Party leader and Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher in his bid to become the President of the United States of 1986.

I mean 2008, excuse me, I’m sorry.

Now any rational person would say something along the lines of “Why would a US candidate be looking for the endorsement of a former world leader who represents a party that has been out of power for more than a decade?” Well, rational person, Fred Thompson doesn’t care.

You see, Fred wants to pretend he’s Reagan, whose governing style was similar to Van Halen in that the leader did nothing except hog credit while the rest of the group went about ruining the country. This is a tactic Mr. Thompson is looking to emulate.

When Reagan ran for President, he had been a failed actor, the President of the Screen Actors Guild, and the Governor of the State of California. Mr. Thompson was a Senator from Tennessee who in his entire tenure did nothing to distinguish himself from his colleagues other than support McCain-Feingold, complain about how much work was involved in being a Senator, and marry a stripper.

Obviously, this man deserves to be President, especially since he’s already pretending to be the president.

When your only contribution to society is giving ugly men hope that they could marry pole dancers if they made enough money, the media deems you capable of running the country.

Back on track, Thompson will be having his picture taken with whatever is left of Lady Thatcher, and afterwards he’ll make out with David Cameron.

Of course, American conservatives should be furious that their golden boy feels the need to essentially ask permission from the former leader of another country before running for President, but of course they don’t care.

Liz Cheney, the well-known spawn of Beelzebub, and Mary “Botox” Matalin have also joined the Thompson campaign for some reason.

Image from Carlcoxphoto.com.

obama.jpgHey-O, back again after a bit of a hiatus.

USAToday (Where everything is A-OK…in COLOR!) is reporting that Hillary has managed a double digit lead over Diet Jesus Obama. Drudge has jumped on this, probably to raise Dick Morris’ blood pressure, but this is hardly new.

Hillary has a strong, organized, and effective campaign. She, along with Mitt Romney on the GOP side have managed to change this race into a new monster entirely. Here we have two strong contenders (meaning Clinton and Romney), who are neither well liked by even their own constituency, nor particularly energizing in their own right. That, however, doesn’t change the public’s awareness of their capability to lead.

Hillary’s ability to lead is unquestionable, I’m convinced she could successfully wrestle every Republican challenger to the ground physically…even if she has a harder shot at winning the general election.

But where does that leave Obama? Well, he leads every other Dem or GOP candidate among independents, he leads every other Democrat among conservative and GOP voters, and he leads every other candidate period in hypothetical general election mashups.

What can we take away from this? America isn’t necessarily ready for a black president, they are, however, ready to stop caring he is black.

America is ready for Obama.

Even if the Democrats aren’t.

Well, alive enough…

Yes, we’re still here. The demands of modern employment have kept the Outer-Loop a bit stagnant recently, I know, so I apologize.

Updates are coming soon. I promise.

No really.