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BAAAhahahahahaJerry “Dick in a Box” Falwell is no longer among the living. Thus, if attendance at his funeral is any indication, he is of no use to the Republican Party any longer.

At least not formally.

Falwell was the founder of the Thomas Road Baptist Church, an enormous ex-soda bottling plant, that was hailed as one of the original “mega churches” in the country. The complex housed more than 10,000 people for the douchebag’s funeral, and while the building isn’t quite large enough to decimate entire planets…it could easily take out Massachusetts, part of Vermont, and a good chunk of Tattooine.

Anyway, back on track, not ONE of the 3,000 people running for the GOP ticket in 2008 was there, not one. Mary worshipping Papists Giuliani and Brownback weren’t there, Tom Tancredo and Mike Huckabee were harpooning Mexicans and masturbating to Burger King ads, respectively. McCain was pooping in his pants, Tommy Thompson blamed his bladder and hearing aide again, and Romney was sacrificing a Shitzu to the great mormon turkey God, Gobbler.

Am I forgetting someone? Oh yeah, and no one cares about Ron Paul.

Via HuffPo/AP

Photo, and hilariously offensive t-shirt, from (maybe NSFW) T-Shirt Hell.

So much for that whole rapture thing, eh Jerry?

The Rev. Jerry Falwell, champion of loudmouthed intolerance and thinly veiled prejudice, died today slouched over his desk like Christopher Hitchens after his morning cup of “coffee”.

As callous as this may seem, Jerry Falwell was a great example of everything that wasDead asshole. wrong with this country today. He was at the forefront of a movement that has grown steadily more and more obnoxious and bigoted in recent years, and he somehow led them to political legitimacy.

He’ll be remembered by me and countless others as a belligerent prick. His condemnation of entire swaths of the American public as hedonists and hopeless sinners is a testament to how highly this arrogant jerk thought of himself. His habitual self-aggrandizement did damage to both Christianity and the Conservative movement as a whole.

The fact that Republicans running for President had to publicly kiss his feet (maybe even literally) is an excellent example of the damage Rev. Falwell and his silly little University have done to the nation as well as the culture at large.

It is very easy to criticize a dead man, I know. But the fact remains, Mr. Falwell and his movement were a cancer to this country and to the world. He was a supporter of apartheid, a homophobe, an anti-semite, a racist, and a sexist.

The Reverend Jerry Falwell, dead at age 73, was also very fat.

Photo from

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