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Riding the wave of popularity he’s receiving in Iowa, Mitt Romney sat down for an interview with WHO’s Jan Mickelson, whose parents obviously did not love him or his younger sister, Tyrone.

Anyway, Mickelson’s show is apparently quite influential in Iowa’s conservative circles and his show has been frequented by many of the other candidates running for the nomination, except for Giuliani who’s running for President of 9/11.

The interview, which you can see below in all of it’s youtube-ified glory, starts warmly. Romney catches a few softballs, drops the names of a couple of local restaurants that his personal assistants may or may not have briefed him on before hand, and basically pretends he isn’t a multi-millionaire liberal elitist Latter Day Douchebag. However, as the questions get dicier, Romney does something I never thought he was capable of…he counters with reasonable and well thought out positions on his faith and his personal social policy.

Check out the action below, it’s well worth a look.

The host, Elaine Mickelson, apparently felt slighted by Romney’s previously concealed testicles and leaked the video to the media insinuating that he had just orchestrated the downfall of Mitt Romney.

Instead, Mitt comes off as opinionated but reasonable, and he alludes to the inclusion of Democratic and left-leaning personal friends of his who are not only in the upper echelons of his typically conservative church, but who actively espouse domestic policy positions that differ from his own. In other words, as Dolores Mickelson continues to accuse Romney of forsaking his faith because of his previous (bullshit) positions on abortion rights, Romney says, almost verbatim, that pro-choice does not equal pro-abortion and that the Democrats in his church are no less moral and sincere than he is.

I know what you’re thinking, “But Romney isn’t sincere. He flip flops like a pair of Reefs, but without the beer bottle opener in the sole.”

Well you’re right, but this glimpse of a more reasonable human being is exactly what is missing from the rest of the GOP field. If I had to pick any Republican to run this country, and I say this with as much hesitant bile and tar as American grammar allows, I would feel better having Romney in the White House than any other GOP candidate in the field.

Well, only if Tyrone Mickelson didn’t want the job.

Thanks to The Politico for the tip.

BAAAhahahahahaJerry “Dick in a Box” Falwell is no longer among the living. Thus, if attendance at his funeral is any indication, he is of no use to the Republican Party any longer.

At least not formally.

Falwell was the founder of the Thomas Road Baptist Church, an enormous ex-soda bottling plant, that was hailed as one of the original “mega churches” in the country. The complex housed more than 10,000 people for the douchebag’s funeral, and while the building isn’t quite large enough to decimate entire planets…it could easily take out Massachusetts, part of Vermont, and a good chunk of Tattooine.

Anyway, back on track, not ONE of the 3,000 people running for the GOP ticket in 2008 was there, not one. Mary worshipping Papists Giuliani and Brownback weren’t there, Tom Tancredo and Mike Huckabee were harpooning Mexicans and masturbating to Burger King ads, respectively. McCain was pooping in his pants, Tommy Thompson blamed his bladder and hearing aide again, and Romney was sacrificing a Shitzu to the great mormon turkey God, Gobbler.

Am I forgetting someone? Oh yeah, and no one cares about Ron Paul.

Via HuffPo/AP

Photo, and hilariously offensive t-shirt, from (maybe NSFW) T-Shirt Hell.

Woo wooI am absolutely fascinated by the nomination process our Republican friends are currently going through.

As they tear each other into chunks of gay-hating hamburger meat, they are doing it over chunks of policy that the public at large simply views quite differently.

Look, the primary process is an ugly beast that brings out the worst in everyone…but the Democrats are arguing over who wants to end the war faster, get more children healthcare coverage sooner, and who wants to bake America the biggest, most delicious cupcake…and Kucinich wants to make it entirely out of tree bark.

The Republicans on the other hand, are busy arguing about how many babies they want to abort, how many more wars we can start, how many more Guantanamos we can have, and how many John Edwards gay jokes we can throw into a single broadcast.

The hollow dialogue on the right just got substantially more interesting as John “Senile Fucker” McCain finally ripped into Mitt “Sacred Undergarments” Romney over his pandering.

“In the case of Gov. Romney, you know, maybe I should wait a couple of weeks and see if it changes, because it’s changed in less than a year from his position before, And maybe his solution will be to get out his small-varmint gun and drive those Guatemalans off his lawn. I don’t know.”

Zing. Romney retorted with a highbrow, civilized response that criticized McCain’s support over this week’s immigration bill…but it’s so boring I won’t dignify it with a quote. When a campaign drops the chance for publicity to simply let a zinger like that go uncontested…well that means it’s time to hire campaign staff that are allowed to drink coffee.

via CNN.

At last night’s second GOP debate at the University of South Carolina, 37 white men promised America that they would torture the living daylights out of anyone who’s ever tasted falafel.

A nice taste of the culture of modern Republicanism can be had in the video below, a few key notes:

  • Brit Hume obviously watches a lot of 24.
  • Everyone in that room thought John McCain was a giant pussy.
  • Rudy Giuliani looks like a grandpa and likes to torture people on the side…maybe by suffocating “terrorists” with gallons of fixodent or whatever it is old people use to “aggressively interrogate” people.
  • Romney wants to franchise Guantanamo Bay.

Even more torturetastic action after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

A lot of fuss has been made about the dollar amounts the various candidates have announced this quarter.

Momma has her $26 million plus a $10 million surplus from her senate race. Although he hasn’t officially announced his earnings yet, Obama reportedly used his Diet Jesus skills to net some $21-23 million.

Edwards chimed in with roughly $14 million, while Richardson pulled in a not-too-shabby $6 million. Dodd swung $4 million, I guess being chair of the Senate Banking Committee helps, and Biden pulled a measly $2 million.

On the Republican side, the Stormin’ Mormon kicked major GOP ass with $22 million, Giuliani came in second with $14 million, and McCain lagged behind with a paltry $12.5 million considering he still thinks he’s the inevitable candidate.

The real winners here? At first glance you’d say Clinton and Romney, and you’d be half right.

Clinton was fully expected to rake in cash, and even this enormous number is not all that surprising, but the real star of the Democrats is a Mr. Obama, who managed to net a larger donation base, with over 80,000 donors, than Clinton and her 50,000. Most of Obama’s donors obviously did not contribute the maximum, which means Obama has an entire mailing list of donors who are legally capable of donating more money and who have been willing to do so in the past.

On the GOP side, Romney is the clear winner here. Considering the man lacks any real name recognition outside of Massachusetts and Utah he has managed to propel his campaign to the top of the financial totem pole with his rolodex alone. Whether he has staying power remains to be seen…

Another interesting point to make is that, despite these numbers being record shattering in and of themselves, what is most interesting are the disparity between the Democratic and Republican candidates. Romney beat out every other Republican candidate, yet tied Obama in terms of funds. Even Biden and his 2 mil beat out all of the other 2nd and 3rd tier GOP candidates by leaps and bounds. Huckabee managed a pitiful $500,000.

Now lets see what things look like this summer when the second quarter results are due.

Straw Polls…a throwback to the lighter, more democratic days of democracy or an attempt at garnering a few million more bucks in political contributions?

How about a little bit of column A and B?Selecting a straw man

South Carolina may not be the most high profile state in the union, but to Republicans and their primaries it is considered the holy grail of political trials. Winning South Carolina has, only for Republicans mind you, been staggeringly accurate at predicting the GOP’s presidential nominee.

Even though the primary is still more than a year away. every major candidate (and many of the non-major candidates) have been canvassing away. According to my liberal media source (read: CNN), Arizona Sen. John “Lo-Pan” McCain has managed to squeek past Guliani by TWO Votes.

The poll went as follows (via CNN):

  • Arizona Sen. John McCain: 164
  • Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani: 162
  • California Rep. Duncan Hunter: 158
  • Kansas Sen. Sam Brownback: 85
  • Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney: 80
  • Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich: 33 (write-in)
  • Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee: 21
  • Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo: 10
  • Attorney John Cox: 4
  • Texas Rep. Ron Paul: 4
  • Secretary of state Condoleezza Rice: 2 (write-in)
  • Former Virginia Gov. Jim Gilmore: 1
  • Former Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson: 1
  • Sanders (the party was unable to identify this candidate): 1 (write-in)

A few interesting notes, Romney did well considering his relatively low star power in the state. Newt Gingrich, who is not a candidate, was written in more often than Mike Huckabee and Tommy Thompson…who ARE official candidates. The two people who wrote in Condi are about to become Democrats and Sanders…well he’s just a delicious mystery now isn’t he?

I like John Edwards, really I do.

He’s smart, capable, his policies are well thought out, he’s also a fantastic apologizer.

Sen. Edwards' Ugly MugWhy then is he so damned irrelevant? The man is an attractive candidate with lots of money and the blogosphere for some reason or another wants to jump his bones. He’s organized a massive strategic campaign aimed at winning every major primary…yet his main strategy seems to be proclaiming again and again how sorry he is about Iraq and how much sorrier he is for his vote than the other guys.

He’s a slick politician, that’s for sure, but if he were to win the nomination by playing as far to the left as he already is, I’d be interested to see what it will take to win the general election. He might have to pull a Romney and lose every ounce of respect he has.